Stab 'em again, Cnut

a guest post by Jason Weber

So we went to York this weekend, just in time for the annual Jorvik Viking Festival. It was surprisingly awesome. I'm already mailing my friend Sroka a brochure for next year. The Vikings apparently used York as a base for raiding up and down the coast and as a kind of Holiday Inn on the way back to Norway. To celebrate this, every year 500 or so grown men dress up with swords, spears, shields, and armor. Then they beat each other up. Over and over. We watched beating-up practice in the morning for about half an hour. Basically, the secret to Viking tactics is to form two lines, yell some guttural challenge, and then go at it. Once one side is wiped out, some specially trained Nordic chief yells "dead arise" and everybody hops up to give it another go. Also, in the spirit of true Viking combat, you aren't allowed to use your spear over the top of your enemy's shield, since he might catch one in the face. Thankfully no such rule applies with swords or war axes.

Strangely enough, this event did not seem to be heavily attended by Viking-esses. To be sure, there were a few devoted women who wore old dresses and shouted support to their husbands ("Ohh, stab 'em again, Cnut"), and even one or two women with armor and spears (sadly none of them with long blond braids who burst into song). And to be fair, there was a Viking horn-pipe that we missed. Maybe the Viking babes showed up for the dance. But playing the odds on that one, it's no wonder they sailed off to England to plunder their women.

On a related note, none of the Vikings had horns on their helmets. This may appear to be a triviality, but is actually part of raging debate with Sroka. Some would take this as proof that Sroka is right, and Vikings never had horns on their helmets (in a minor coincidence, the position taken by the Yorkshire museum Viking exhibit). But Sroka has apparently never been to a Minnesota Vikings game or Wagner opera. And who's opinion do I trust? A bunch of drunk Englishmen with swords, a bunch of drunk football fans (also with swords), or some opera goers? I go with the one group that is at least a little bit sober. So if any of you out there have a horned helm, and are just hankering to go stab some buddies at a reenactment, go right ahead. Don't worry about scornful comments from Viking purists! Those same purists probably won't even let you stab them in the face with a spear. Enough said.

a word of advice

Never look at a Rugby player's ears. Just don't do it. Trust me.

sport

Yesterday, we had the joy of playing a game of basketball with a few short Brits. I have never in my life seen grown men play basketball like girls, nor have I seen so many rules ignored. In our game last night, kicking the ball was totally acceptable defensive practice. But what can you expect from a bunch of blokes who grew up kicking a football (soccer ball) down the street?

Me, I grew up bouncing a basketball.

Next week: American football.

this week in England

1. A caller phoned into the local radio station this week after a major snowstorm hit our area dumping 1 inch of snow on the ground. She wanted to warn drivers in the Chatsworth area to be very careful on the roads. The road crews had just salted the roads and the sheep were in the street licking the salt.

2. Badminton is a real sport in this country. Yesterday, Jason was scheduled to fill in on a team that needed an extra player. The game was called off due to the weather.

3. It snowed this week. A couple of inches. Apparently the biggest snowstorm in 20 years or so. It was very pretty, but Britons don't handle snow very well.

4. I bought a teapot. and I love it.

5. After the snowstorm, the news anchors instructed people not to shovel their sidewalks. If someone were to fall and get hurt, you could be sued.

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the view out my window

in pittsburgh, last friday, outside my office (photo: d. roth)


in derby, today, outside my office


both snowfalls caused much headache.

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